Pathetic Fallacy
by UnscriptedEmily
Summary: Why did he always have to hurt the ones he loved most?


Why did he always have to hurt the ones he loved the most? Why?

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, head down, braid flat against the back of his coat, heavy and drenched with rain. Ha, he thought, pathetic fallacy. Then he stopped, clenched his fists, and willed himself not to cry. See, before he'd started this- thing- with Roy, he never would have known what the hell 'pathetic fallacy' was, and now he found himself thinking about it at the _worst_ possible moment and

He deserved it, though. Deserved the sharp pain of guilt and- and _love _it brought because he'd done _so much_, he still had to atone for it, still had to meet the equivalent exchange and he'd known it was too good to be true, hadn't he? He'd always known he would lose it, in the end.

Didn't make it any less painful, though.

The rain pattered down around him; already the concrete ground of the alley he was sat in (hiding in, really) was dappled dark grey. Just like Roy's eyes when the morning rose, soft and glittering, and made even the deep black of his irises seem light and clear. Ed curled tighter inwards, back against the wall, automail hand tightly clenched; so tight, in fact, that the metal was complaining, groaning ever so slightly. Winry would kill him if he busted the wires so soon after getting it fixed. He didn't care.

Why why _why _did he have to fuck things up all the time? "I'm such a fucking screw-up," he muttered, biting down on his lip _hard_ as the tears welled up, hot and insistent. Tilted his head up, stared fixedly at the heavy, thunderstorm-dark sky in the gap above, willing the burning in his eyes to go away. The two buildings side by side that formed the alleyway were silent and unmoving, which was good, because Ed didn't want anyone finding him. He wanted to stay here for the rest of his life, numb and feeling so much it was physically hard to breathe. He deserved it.

It had been over such a stupid, insignificant thing. _Work hours_. He wanted to scoff at the thought, laugh over what an idiotic thing it was to start a fight over but- he couldn't, because as usual it was all his fault; he'd ruined everything and now Roy wouldn't ever want to touch him again, would never kiss him again or make that low, rumbly-growl noise that sent shivers of pleasure down Ed's spine, would never sweep Ed's hair out of his eyes, would never walk in on Ed trying to cook (damn you Bastard I _can_ cook, I _can_), laughing as he brushed flour off the counter and wrestled the bowl from Ed's grip…

"Oh god I'm going to throw up," whispered Ed, and, with a choking half breath- half moan, he buried his face in his knees.

_You're a fuck up_, sneered the voice inside his head, _a screwed-up half metal freak who can't do anything right. You thought you'd be able to keep this relationship going? Ha! It was failing before it began, you tiny excuse for a human being. After all what you did to your mother, what you did to you brother, did you honestly believe you could do _anything_ good? Anything? If you ever thought that, you were kidding yourself. Playing make-believe like the pathetic, useless kid you are. _

Ed curled tighter still, the wall cold and unforgiving against his back. Rain pounded through the material of his coat, soaking him to the skin. His fingers were going numb.

_How do you think Roy feels? You saw his face, you saw his eyes! He hates you now, for sure. He's never going to look at you again. You're just a subordinate to him now, just 'Fullmetal'. You'll never see the real him ever again; just his blank face and his cold eyes staring at you because you're worthless, you know that? Worthless. And you're such a stupid _kid_, honestly, the way you act sometimes, it's no wonder Roy's dumped you. Frankly, it's surprising you managed to keep it going this long. Of course, maybe he's always felt this way…_

"Ed!"

…_he was probably just using you, anyway. After all, how could anyone ever love you? You're worthless scum. You're dirt. You're nothing. You're a useless human who couldn't even bring his mother back right. You couldn't save your brother, could you? It's all your fault he doesn't have a body, can't feel warmth, can't touch anything, can't have facial expressions. You're weak. You know what? You can't save anybody. You couldn't save your mother, you couldn't save your brother, you couldn't save _Nina_…_

"Ed, thank God- what-?"

_...that poor little girl and her dog, turned into a silhouette on the floor, ha! You didn't do anything for her. You could have saved her, but you didn't. You're arrogant and you're selfish and you're weak. "moving forwards"? Yeah, right! The only place you're going is hell! _

Someone was shaking him.

Ed jerked his head up, wide eyed, brought the automail up, hands ready to clap, adrenaline fizzing through him like sparks and-

Dark eyes, wide with shock and- relief? Gloved hands on his arm and his back, rain pouring down his face, hair shining and eyelashes strewn with crystalline water droplets.

"Ed," and it was _his_ voice, deep and husky and, and, "Ed, god, I thought I'd lost you I thought- are you alright?"

"Am I. Alright?" Ed's voice was hoarse and sounded thin in comparison to his, sounded- _weak_.

"Ed, love, you look half dead, you're wet through!" And he was being pulled close, held tight against the white shirt- he hadn't even put on a jacket? For a moment, Ed couldn't do anything but kneel awkwardly, enclosed in the embrace, mind gone blank with shock. Then,

"What- why are you here?"

Roy broke away, looked down at him through sheets of rain, saw his bloodless lips and dark gold eyes, hair plastered against his skull and how could he not love him?

"Edward," he said, "I love you more than anything in the world, in the universe. I love you."

"But-," he looked so _lost_, and Roy felt his heart freeze and a piece of it break away.

"But what?"

"I- said. I was. I was a complete shit to you! I-,"

Roy looked at him, pale and anxious and shivering, and understood. "No, Ed, love, no. I love you. I love you. I couldn't stop loving you if I tried. I am determined to never let you go; I refuse to let you walk away and I know- I _know_ that this isn't the first fight we've had, and it certainly won't be the last. But that's okay."

"It- is?" There was hope in his golden eyes. Despite the lashing rain and freezing wind, Roy felt something warm bloom inside him and spread, like the flickering of a candle flame, through his whole body. God, he'd been so worried; he'd paced for half an hour after Ed stormed out before calling Alphonse to make sure Ed had made it back safely- only to be told by a panicking Al that Ed was _nowhere to be found_…

"Of course it is," he murmured, standing and pulling Ed up with him. "I love you."

Almost hesitantly, Ed leaned up on his toes, wound his arms around Roy's neck. "I love you, too," he breathed, burying his face in the crook of Roy's neck, breathing deeply the familiar smell of him. "I love you and I'm- I'm _so_ sorry I-,"

"Ed." He looked up at him and Roy smiled gently. "It's okay. I promise."

And to prove it, he bent just a little so they could press their lips together, rain running down his neck and down his collar but he didn't care, because Ed was safe.

"Come home," he murmured against his lover's lips, and Ed gave a little huff of happiness and nodded, carding his fingers through Roy's wet hair, fitting against him perfectly, like the last missing puzzle piece- the only puzzle piece worth having, in Roy's opinion.

As they walked the dark streets, stealing kisses when there was no danger of being seen and tiny nudges even when there was, Ed realised the rain had stopped. He glanced up, elbowing Roy.

"What?"

"Look."

Roy followed his gaze, wet shirt clinging marvellously see through to his body (Ed felt a thrill as his eyes flickered from the sky to the sodden white-turned-translucent material) and he smiled.

For a moment they stood there, burgundy and dark gold against flawless marble and black that was barely discernible from the sky above.

The storm had cleared as suddenly as it had begun, and there were stars there now, dotting the velvet night like ships on a vast, black sea.


End file.
